A Shaman’s journey

From where I came——-

Today starts the day I begin to document and share what I thought was a small part of my life, but have found it encompasses the whole.   For the first time in my life, all the little compartments, that I labor to organize and carry, have come to together under one word…SHAMAN.    I’ll admit, this word at first scared me.    I stumbled into a book from the local library that described the dark creatures and images of one side of shamanism.    After that, I purposely avoided any ties to this label.

But something changed—I started singing ancient songs

it started as subliminal melodies that crept into my mind and out of my lips…I couldn’t recall these at will…they were there, then gone, till they wanted to emerge again.    I would be driving through this endless city, waiting at stop light after stop light, and then awaken to a taping toe, and fingers moving to the rhythm of a melody that didn’t belong to this life.    I know how to sing, and use this gift to provide for my children…but this was different.    This short pieces of repeating melodies felt special and sacred beyond the hymns and faith songs I have known my whole life.

At first there were no words, just a different voice, or vibration….

but over time, as i’ve leaned into this and opened my heart to it, I’ve come to understand these songs as channeled healing songs, the songs of an ancient shaman or healer, and i believe that healer is my soul…the eternal part I can’t see or explain, but know.     The part that pulls back just as i start to wake in the morning….the part that isn’t labeled by ethnicity, time, height, weight or anything else…..

the inner most core of myself has spent laboring amounts of time to hide….

confessions of being a gay, left handed, super tall, southern born boy who never fit in…these are details appropriate for you to know.    I’ve spent my entire life only wanting to fit in and blend.

I had an undeniable ability to comprehend, tear apart and put together anything musical or creative.    it carried me through college and saved me from the crushing realization that a gay man doesn’t become “the same” by marrying into a heterosexual union.      it’s taken 30 years of consciousness to accept that some are not meant to blend in the masses…some are meant to stand out, because we’ve been given a special gift from the universe….we are healers….we feel others pain….we know there is more to this life….we sing our way through difficult times….we use rituals and respect to honor all that is and will be.    We are humble in our path, but acknowledge we were made for more than what is visible on the surface with human senses…we are Shaman…I am Shaman…I am a beautiful part of the whole that carries a gift for all the universe sends to walk along my steps….

If you’re reading this, know  you are brought to this page for a reason.. I’m not one to seek out the attention of anyone to read my ramblings…I’m not looking for praise or affirmation…i’m sharing because of you…you won’t find pictures of me or references to anything more than my healing journey here….on the surface, i’m an everyday dad in an urban setting going about the business of earning a living, mowing a lawn and washing the laundry…but…I’ve found a secret…i’m more and wish only to continue expanding…part of my expansion is this blog....I look forward to sharing with you more to this journey and telling you the amazing stories of how heaven and earth have reached and continue to reach into my life…

Many Blessings !